What Satifies?

I have always wondered why it is so hard for Christians to live the life of joy, peace, patience, etc...than those who deny Christ, but yet will put all of their faith and trust in another god or religion, one that is not the truth... but still appear to have a more blissful life.

It is quite amusing to me how so many can be in pursuit of happiness and find it through healthy food, exercise, vacation, their life's work, etc. Hm mm...I spend most of my days face down on the floor crying to the Lord "what do I do next?" "what am I dong wrong?" Lord, when am I going to get it?" I can be surrounded by God's glory and yet see the grayness of what is going on around me. Is that trust? Nope. Do I stick a praise in the beginning of my prayer? Hardly. But David didn't always either, and if he was a man after God's own heart, then I am going to allow a little grace, he he.

Then how on earth do people who believe in karma, zen, wollybooger whatever, seem to "be at one" with who they are? When I have known the truth for a long time, and truthfully see my sin and my scars and wonder "Lord when will it heal? I then remember that this is not the world that I am supposed to settle for.

Galatians 1: 3-5. ( I won't post it all here) Grace and peace only come from him. Whatever it is that others have is complete blindness, and will only work for a while. I have tried addiction after addiction to fill the need for a Savior...and quite frankly, I am tired. I have decided to follow Jesus instead no matter how crazy it may be to others, because those others don't try to help me or save me. They don't provide peace for me...because they are too busy looking for it themselves.

Is it b/c I am trying to hard and missing the heart of worship? Is it because I am living a life of truly denying myself and doing what the Lord has called me to do so it is a daily walk with giving up selfishness of my own will and following the plan he has laid out?

Acts 20:24 says "But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned to me by the Lord Jesus- the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God" (NLT)

My life may not seem as blissfully full as though who don't miss a workout or a trip to the Yucatan in search of meaning of life, but I know that if all is stripped away I can still say that there is Good News to be told. There is a God out there who cares more about the wholeness of my heart than me eating everything organic.

A Glorious Day

Today was the day of my first born's baptism. I can't narrow down the feelings that I have about this day. Parts of me never thought I would never experience such a day, and the other parts were counting down the days from the time I learned I was pregnant with her.

I am not only relieved that my child with be with me for all eternity, but also to experience the faithfulness of God and the grace that he extends.

As I watched my baby girl step down into that water and watch the paradox of the old life and new life be buried and raised, I couldn't help but to reflect on my life and the life of my family members that have lived before me. There have been very few believers in my family tree. Our tree has been one in which many limbs were bruised and broken through the roots of bitterness and pride, abuse and alcohol.

I am not the only one, but today I saw the thread of God's grace, but I witnessed a new thread being started. I hate the idea of not having a family full of believers because sometimes it is really difficult to figure out which path to go or how to be full of faith when there seems to be nothing to hope for. I think of all the times that I didn't know whether or not she and I were going to make it together under the same roof.

Some may have looked at her and thought she looked to young, but I know my girl and I know she was ready. I have been in the trenches with this child day in and day out, I know what she is capable of and what she isn't. I was with her when she first asked me about becoming a christian and I was skeptical at first, but then it became very clear that the Lord had spoken to her heart.

I had to make a decision this morning as she was going under that water. I had to realize that she is not mine to control and that God has a specific plan for her life. She is not to be molded into what I want her to be, but what the Lord wants. OUCH! I have to prepare her for the greatness of God...not to just be great. OK, take that one in! I have to let go of what "my" dreams are for her and pray for her to follow in the paths of righteousness not the paths of mommy.

Can I allow my daughter to be great even in the ordinary of life? Don't all moms hope for the best and brightest for their children...so what if mine doesn't achieve greatness that this world says is great. What if she turns out to be a homeschooling mom just like me? Am I OK with that?? am I OK with her giving up her dreams of being something great? My answer is:

100 times yes because if it is what God has planned for her life, then it is great. I didn't give up anything but what wasn't mine to fulfill. I had many dreams as a child, but they clearly wouldn't have fit with having a family. I have given up my life for someone else and it feels just like a tennis ball hitting the center of a raquet perfectly...as Max Lucado coined it "the sweet spot."

Today was hitting the sweet spot for me. It was seeing a small harvest to many prayers offered from the time of conception.

I haven't even begun to wear down the material on the knees of my sweats in praying for my children, and I am so thankful I don't have to plan it all out for them I have the privilege to show them to the ONE who does!