Being thankful for where I am

I have been thinking the last few days about how thankful I am and where I am in my life. I never dreamed in a million years where God would have placed me. I don't really know where I thought I would be, but I guess I am surpirsed at how happy I am to "just" be a wife and mother. I don't think that I have ever aspired in my heart to be a career woman, I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy, and here I am. It has it's ups and downs, and there are days that I wonder what life would be like letting someone else change my children's diapers, etc.. but then I would miss the peace and joy that has filled my heart. We all have things in our lives that we wished we hadn't done, me being extremely regretful, but it always amazes me how God has still given me the desires of my heart even though I should be somewhere other than I am. He truly has brought gladness out of sadness, joy out of anger. I may seem to be missing life on the outside of my home, but this is where my heart is, and I enjoy it no matter how many p B & J's I make or messes I have to clean up. Sure my house always looks as if a busload of kids came here for a field trip every day and forgot to clean up, but his is where I am.

Jesus gave up his royalty to come to earth to be a servant to us. No questions or obligations, all he asks is that we take up our cross daily, die to self and let him guide us through. It is very difficult at times to let him have control, but when I do life is as sweet as a honeycomb no matter what the situation.

Old Habits Die Hard

Man, it's Monday and I am feeling it. I know that everyday is a blessing, but something about Mondays make me want to run back to the comforts of my bad habits. Too much crying, oatmeal--again, messy house (how did this happen, I jsut cleaned it??) and much more to be done. I want to crawl back into bed and veg out in front of the tv, but unfortunatley life still happens whether I want to or not. I really need the grace today to not jump back to old ways. It will help for the moment, but I know the reprocussions later. Why do Monday's always bring the same nuscuances and I haven't yet figured out how to change them??

I am glad that there is Lamentations to point out that the Lord's mercies are new every day...I really need it.

Surley I have my answer by now!

My family and I are venturing into the world of homeschooling. We have never done this before and have not known anyone who has either, so as you can imagine there are lots of questions, fears, doubts, etc. I am contastly asking do you think we should do this? Are you sure? Can you reassure me as to why we are following this path. I am driving him asbsolutley crazy. The main one that should really be tired of me is God. He is the one that has laid this before us, so I really shouldn't be asking over and over again. I feel like Gideon: all of the signs point to yes, but I turn at the first opposition. I have put my son into a preschool one day a week to give him the "socialization" that he needs like I did with my daughter, and so this frees up some time for her and I to have field trip day! We have done several trips already, but it is so amazing how it feels to be doing this with her. I have wathched her milk a REAL cow with no apprehensions, we visited Mayfield dairy, went to and Mennonite community and wathced how they make molassess with horses (she helped in the process too!), we've been to the creative discovery museum and dug for dino bones; but the sweetest and most reassuring was helping he to bake a pumpkin pie cheesecake from scratch for her daddy for his b-day. I can't tell you the sense of peace and joy that I got from helping her in that task. She learned more that day than I think she did all week. Not only did she do it with just listening to my instruction and cleaning up afterward, but I saw something in her: she had joy and peace as well. She is growing up, and I would have missed it all if she were away. I can't describe the joy inside when I am with my kids, and I can't describe the pain either sometimes.



Last night she was not ready for bed due to a late nap, so she stayed up a little later than usual and D suggested we do school, so we did at 8:30. She didn't want to stop! I had to make her stop somewhere around 10:30, and she's only 4! I tell you the truth, I have been questioned and given the cold shoulder for our descion, but I guess God never planned on us having the easy life anyways. :) I have had many days where I was ready to throw in the towel and put them in school and pursue my career, but there is not the peace that surpasses understanding in that decision. I am sure that I will be coming back to this question again and again when times get hard, b/c they will and it will be sooner than I think. I am all about family relationships, so maybe this is why God has called us to this. All I know is that when I am out of God's will I am miserable internally, but when I am where He has asked me to be, I feel the storm within is no longer raging.