Swimming in Both Ends

My family and I love, love , love to swim. When the weather gives just a hint of warm sunshine...we are digging out our bathing suits. When we swim, we don't just float around in the shallow. We go for the deep end! That is where you can really dive to the bottom, see who can get there and back the fastest, dive in, flip in, slide in...well, you get the picture. Staying in the shallow end serves a purpose too. It is where we can ease ourselves in when it is just a little chilly to "get used" it. We can play games such as "categories" and have extra speed to get across to the other side. One of my favorites was to do handstands! It is also in the shallow in that we can talk to one another and enjoy the leisure of a relaxing swim. There is something about swimming that is so repairative after a long day.

The shallow end is fun, but so is the deep end. The thing about both ends is that if you are there to long, you can either become bored with the sameness of not going deeper and having more options to explore, and going deeper requires a lot of hard work. After treading for a long time, our legs become very tired, and begin to pull us down or cramp, which is no fun either.

I have found that my spiritual life can be like swimming. Sometimes I have had to ease in to the word and "get used" to the temperature that was being spoken to me, and other times I have jumped right in to the refreshment of the fun and adventure. I find that when I stay in the shallow end with my relationships with other people it can become boring and stale. I am one that likes to go deeper, but sometimes there are people who prefer to just bounce the volleyball in the shallow end. Maybe they don't want to explore anything more than swap recipes, exercise tips, what school activities that worked the best for them, or where they shop for their kids clothing.

On the other hand, if I have a friend who only wants to go to the deep end, then we miss the fun in what our favorite recipes are, our favorite movies or restaurants. I was wired to think analytically, but sometimes being in the deep end for too long can wear me out. My brain feels like it is always on overdrive, and I forget that it is a good thing to hang out in the shallow end too. I love good music that we can dance to. I love lazy strolls through the park or downtown. I love good desserts and an occasional break to the movies.

Being in the deep end is such hard work, but it is where I have grown the most. I have cried the most and ached the most in the deep end...but it is where I have found the most treasure. A treasure chest always lies at the bottom of the ocean, not on the surface. You have to swim deep to find what you are looking for, but once the cramping sets in you have to decide whether or not you are going to run back to the shallow end or go to the side and take a breather.

Jesus didn't ask the disciples to cast their nets out into the shallow end. He said to go out into the DEEP and let down their nets. It is where the fish where at. The fish that were in the shallow end would have been the minnows and tadpoles, not the good stuff. If we are willing to go into the deep, we have to be prepared to know how to swim (have a relationship with Christ), and know how to keep treading (through faith and the word) and when to take a rest ("Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest" Mark 6:30)

Are you shortchanging yourself by only swimming in the shallow end with your relationship with Christ and/or others? Or are you diving into the deep with them?

Are you only swimming in the deep and forgetting to take a rest and enjoy the shallow waters for a while?

What do you need to do to swim to the other end?

Lord, I ask that you help me to know when it is time to switch ends and not get caught up in the shallowness of life and when it is time to plunge in the deep. Help me to not judge those who may not be in the same end as me, but to respect their journey and where you have them.

Today is one of those days where I now know why I was gently awakened way more early than I am used to, to have some quiet time. I knew it was coming. It is almost like I can feel a storm brewing. You know how some older people know when it is going to rain because they start to feel the pain in their joints...well, that was me this morning. I wasn't feeling my usually "I can make it today" kind of feelings. It was Lord, I really don't want to face anything, decide anything, or put up with anything kind of day. Well, it is inevitable to not dodge people or things that will let us down, children that will whine and complain, and fight, and a dog that chews on anything she gets her paws on! Today is not a mechanically smooth day...which I can deal with...it is just so hard to. It is so hard in the midst of all of the things that I am trying to get my kids to understand and stop doing that I have realized my own need for a change of heart. Just because someone lets me down today, doesn't mean I write them off because chances are, I am going to be let down again and again and again.

I am really weary of dealing with the constant complaining and whining. I just got finished for the 101st time saying "Emily, I have not heard anything come out of your mouth today but griping and complaining. You have not said thank you mom one time today for anything I have done, you have argued with your brother to no end, and you have been ungrateful for anything you have laid your eyes this morning. Please tell me what the Bible says about griping and complaining?" By this time I am starting to feel my own convictions about how I have let me self feel.

I am disheartened by this little discovery, so Iset up a missions video about other people without the same privileges. This is not a guilt trip...you don't know my kids...Strong willed children think the world revolves around them, so I am trying desperately to connect them to the world instead!

As I was speaking, I said a few things that I had to stop and tell her that I was doing the same things too. I had not told God how thankful I was to be at home today teaching my children His word and truth. I have not been grateful to be in a warm home and have money to put food on the table and more shoes for my children than we can count because the dog keeps finding them. I have been selfish, ungrateful, and quite honestly...miserable. I have thrown the best pity parties for myself, but the sad part is is that no one shows up but me.

I am tired of partying this way...it is really quite a bummer to be the only one there. Lord, forgive me for being so unaware of your goodness and mercy because I have allowed the cloud of ungratefulness to cloud my mind. I ask that you help me to turn my frustrations into peace and joy. I am allowing my self to live without peace because I am letting the frustrations of small children get the best of me.

Galatians 6:9 " For let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart"

The Snow Bird Report

The weather around here has been really, really cold. The kind of cold that bites and won't quit. The kind of cold that limits my wardrobe to either my pj's with several socks, or sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Lucky for you you don't have to see me in such a fright! Well, I'll admit, I have become pretty lax in dressing up for school. We all have actually. Emily's idea for getting dressed for school is changing pajamas. And Jacob...well, he would be happy in nothing more than a diaper on most days...but again, it is way to cold.

The area schools around here have been fortunate to get out of school due to the weather, but not Harbor House...nope...I am cruel and won't declare a "no school" day. Emily thinks it is totally unfair, and Jacob...well, he could care less. I on the other hand am thinking this one through. If I called school off and there was no snow on the ground, what would the kids want to do with their free time? Watch television. Uggghhh! Nothing drives me more crazy than too much TV! I know my kids and I know what their little "atomic bomb building" brains are thinking, therefore I know it will only lead to boredom. And boredom + 1 kindergartner + 1 toddler = ALOT of fighting and destruction. So, I choose to keep them occupied and busy with things that can be monitored and not turn their brains into complete mush.

Don't get me wrong, I get excited when I hear that schools are closed and then remember that I am not apart of that circle. I look forward to days that we aren't going to be working, or when a field trip is coming up. I find it quite humorous when people think that I must LOVE being with my kids all day long, grind my own wheat, and read them bible stories by a campfire (OK, well that last one I have done). I do enjoy being with my kids...but lets get real, not all the time. I do wonder about the missed opportunities of getting to dress up and go into the real world and talk with others who don't end their sentence with "whatever." I would think it would be nice to help those who appreciate what I am doing for them, rather loosing what I just searched 30 minutes for.

My kids grate my nerves and drive me crazy just like anybody elses. I am no supermom or saint. Quite honestly, I find myself to be rather peculiar. But I like peculiar. I like doing what I am doing. It fits me. I never thought that doing what I am doing would be fitting, but I am totally at peace with this, even when I am breaking up a fight, cleaning up spilled milk, and shooing the puppy from the trash all at the same time.

I do what I do because this is what God has called me to. Maybe not everyone believes that God exists or even would find this task so successful. I have had enough people question why I wasted all that money on a degree just to stay home. I didn't waste a dime. I like to think of it as very expensive counseling for myself. God knew what I needed and when. He knew that I needed a break. He knew that I need a place of healing and rest. He planted me by streams of water, with 3 other lives in order for us to grow and flourish as a family. There is no way that would have happened in any other set up.

So while I still look for "school closings" due to weather, I hang onto those days when I know that this school needs a break. Maybe it is too pretty to be indoors and we trade in the books for our bathing suits and head for the river. Whatever the weather...our school calls the shots.

Not Everybody Will Listen

When Donnie and I first met I was not going to church. I had a church upbringing but not with my own family. I went with my next door neighbors. My parents started my brothers and I out in church, but it only lasted until the 2nd grade then we stopped going. It is a long story and we all have one, so simply stated I was not going to church. I was 17, but desperate for anything to "fix" my brokenness. So, when I met Donnie I was really tired from all that I had put myself through and was so thankful to have found a stable person to help guide me away from all that I was. When we got engaged, I still hadn't surrendered my life to Christ. I thought I had, but I don't think that I really had. I do believe that I always had a heart for him, but I was not surrendered at that point.

All I knew was that we couldn't get married without going to church, so he agreed. He was not raised in church, but he was willing to do whatever I wanted so we would be happy. The irony of this story is that he was not raised, nor taught the things of the Lord, but yet he has more Christlike qualities than anyone I have ever met!


After I had been married a while a friend of mine from High School was interested in going to church with me. So, one Sunday she went and seemed very uncomfortable, and never went back. We would talk about heaven and hell, and salvation, but she told me that she wanted to make that commitment.

I had another friend in the same situation, never went to church, wasn't raised in church, and only had heard the name Jesus but didn't know anything else. She asked me if she could come to church with me one Sunday, and so she did. She enjoyed it, and went home and told her husband about it. Not long after they began looking for a church in her area...and then soon after she made a commitment to Christ and I watched her be baptized!

Why do I write all of this you wonder? Well, I have to realize that not everyone that I share Christ with is going to accept what He gives. Just because it rings sweetly in my ears doesn't mean it will on everyone. Both friends were interested, but one wasn't ready to walk away from her life. That's OK. Maybe God has just allowed me to plant the seed, and someone else will come along and fertilize and water it and then she will accept. My other friend was ready. I just happened to have the opportunity to be in her path.

Later on my friend that did accept Christ told me that I just talked about church and God with her like she was supposed to understand and so she had to check it out for herself. I guess I am just to real sometimes and will just share just about anything...but something clicked. I had no idea what I was doing was churning up something in her, but God did.

I sometimes get discouraged about my old friends and how they are still in the same rat race of life with no shield, but then I have to remember the few that did meet the Jesus that I shared with them. I can't give up, although in this day in age it feels as though people are becoming less and less receptive...we need to make our knees bleed in prayer for thsoe who are lost. We need to cry out to our Father for those who don't want to listen. I am afraid the time is coming closer and closer for there to be no more tomorrow. Not everybody will listen, but that doesn't mean that we quit telling the story. There are some that are ready and waiting but just don't know it..so we have to sow it :)

Cart Before the Horse

I am a little sore today, but for some odd reason it feels good. I guess it is the feeling of small success, and that feels so much better than failure, don't ya think?? Last night before going to bed I asked Donnie "can you tell if I look different?" I thought it was a reasonable question, but he looked at me kind of funny and smiled. When he realized that I was serious he said " yeah, you do look smaller." Yeah, right! I said "don't lie, if you can't tell, you can't tell. But don't just say what you think I want to hear." Then he sheepishly said "well, I just thought it was a little early in the game to tell. It's only been a few days."

How true is this that I do this to myself with everything in my life. 4 days on the treadmill, no cokes or desserts and I think I deserve a cover on a magazine...well, I won't go that far...how about being able to put on my favorite jeans, that is more realistic :)

Seriously, I get the cart before the horse on everything, and I mean everything. I have a real problem with being still ( maybe a result of all the caffeine??) and just waiting on God. I want to know Who, What, When, Why, How...and NOW! I don't want to wait for the morning edition of something I want God's VIP pass to know it all. I have probably missed so much peace from being to antsy. I want this, I want to do that. Why can't I just chill and be happy with what I am doing?

I'll tell you why: because I am nosy and controlling. There I said it, ahhh...I can breathe. I am not trusting God with taking care of business, and I want to know what is happening just in case he doesn't come through the way I was expecting and I can prepare myself to take care of the situation or guard my heart. If I would spend less time fretting over what is to come and more time on God's promises, I think my peace would have come like a river. Isaiah 48:17-18

Who's hiding the Cookies??

I am not one for adding dieting to my New Year's list. I have always found that as soon as I use that nasty four letter word, I F A I L, and fall completely on my face. Maybe it is because self control has not been a good friend to me. Maybe it is because most of my friends were always so thin and in shape, I figured I wasn't going to be the one to be looked at so I succumbed to the extra donut. I was always the same size when in high school and it wasn't until I met Donnie that I really started to eat. His family loves to cook wonderful food and lots of it! They hold the old fashioned way of life that a good day never starts without a good breakfast. His family actually eats really well and doesn't do much junk food. My problem is that I had never tasted food so good, I couldn't help myself. After we were married we lived next door to his aunt who was the main cook for all of the dinners...I hit the jackpot!! We ate over there almost every night until we moved. I am not saying that my weight gain came from there, no way! I am saying it was the first time that I felt freedom with food and good food at that.



Now that I am getting close to 30, 2 kids, and 9.5 years of marriage under my elastic pants, I think it is time for a change. I don't feel as good as I think I am supposed to, diabetes is creeping up on me, and quite honestly I think God is tapping me on the shoulder inviting me to find a better way to live. In High School I lived off of coke and cigarettes, and I am still pretty bad about drinking them more than other things (I did eventually give up smoking though)



So now Donnie and I are trying our best swallow this pill. We are trying to not only get our bodies into shape, but our finances as well. Well, let me just tell you, all it took for me to grab my coat tonight was for him to mention the words chips and cheese dip! I was ready to put that yucky fish back into the refrigerator and hit our favorite Mexican restaurant. But then I remembered just how hard we have been working and one slip to the flesh and it would be a landslide! I would be drinking cokes and eating donuts by the handfuls. My self control would be non existent. Did we go? No, because not only did I not want to blow it there, we really need to be in more control of our spending : AKA eating out.



So here we are into a week of eating better and exercising just like so many other Americans, but I am not looking at it from the view that I have to do it b/c of this or that but b/c we are choosing to do this for our family. We are tired, and want to run and play with the kids. I want to be able to buy other things but can't b/c we eat out too much. But most of all, I let the Lord live in this temple for many, many years and be surrounded by dripping caramel, smoke stains, and caffeine. That is no way to treat something that is a pure gift.



I am not thrilled about trying to exercise with 2 children and a dog trying to get on the treadmill with me, but it has got to be done. Am I glad that I have not had a coke in days let alone some really good dessert? No way. Does this mean that I never will? Absolutely not. I am at the point where I have to step away from the dessert bar for a while until I can gain control over myself. I am telling you, I am a complete sugar baby...but there were no twinkie trees in the garden of Eden, so I guess I should not over indulge in the things that are man made.