My Patmos

Have you ever thought about where you sit today as being a place of isolation or exile? Maybe you are surrounded by many people, but somehow you still are left to feel alone or misunderstood. Maybe this place of exile is exactly where God has told you to be but the level of frustration and loneliness is enough to make you want to go back to the life you had before where you could count on comfort and consistency.

I am there. I am in a place where God has led me to be but so many days I sit and wonder what on earth am I doing? I shouldn't be so worked up about mounds of laundry, never ending grocery shopping, meals to prepare, noses to wipe, and fights to break up. That's right. I stay at home. But if that weren't enough...I homeschool as well. It doesn't matter what my position on earth is because I believe these issues crop up in every calling that God has set in place.

Just today I was wanting to throw up my hands in the air and say I give up because I am soooooooooo tired of the clutter and toys. My house will never look like a showcase because we have do dads and gadgets that will be found peeking out from behind the couch, under the stove, and sometimes in the refrigerator (yes, that last one has happened). I have been questioned by many as to why I do what I do, do I ever get a break, and "does your husband help?" I know people mean well and just want to help, but sometimes I feel as though they are doing nothing more than to help my faith weaken. Of course I take a break when I need it. Of course my husband helps or else I would have already thrown in the towel. But I can't explain why I do what I do. Maybe like John, I keep weathering the elements of Patmos because of my love. Not only my love for my family, but because of my love for Jesus. Without him there is NO WAY I would do what I am doing. There is no way I could stay with my children day in, day out and school them. There is no way I would still be giving my dog one more day in this household.

I shouldn't say that I wouldn't...I couldn't. I can't tell you how many times the Lord has brought peace in an un peaceful situation. Or how many times he has made our dollars stretch a little further so we could refresh ourselves with an outing to get ice cream. I love when the morning has been rough and he replenishes all of of with a long rest time!

I told a friend one time that through the last couple of years of learning to transition into parenthood with some major baggage in tow, I felt as though I was climbing Mt. Everest in the winter in a bathing suit! Talk about being beaten and weathered against in the elements. Maybe that is how John felt minus the bathing suit. He lasted. He didn't give up. He didn't lay down and die. he worshipped. He loved all alone. No one to watch him. No one to talk to him. Nothing but him and sharp rocks with harsh elements. But on the Lord's day he received the greatest revelation of all.

He lasted becuase of love. I last because of love. It is amazing how much love I have learned to feel and share in my isolation from the world. God is pretty amazing!