Missed Opportunity

Yesterday was my 10 year high school reunion. Did I go you ask?? No, unfortunately I didn't. I was wishy-washy about going up until the end and my friend really wanted me to go, so I said that I would. I sent my money in to reserve a plate, but then a few days before, the lunch was cancelled and they were only going to be getting together. Well, I knew that that was not going to fly for my family. 2 small children, old pictures and movies were not going to go very well. Plus, I had an old friend who was having a baby shower that same day, so I opted not to go. I felt a little torn about going. On one hand I really didn't care anything about going because I literally have not seen those people since high school, so I really feel like they were strangers. On the other hand wanted to say "I am sorry for all the grief that I had caused you back then", but I missed the opportunity. I don't know if the Lord was prompting me to go to make amends, ask forgiveness, or if it was the enemy's way of persuading me to go only to find myself back in a pit like back then. I will probably never know, but a part of me really wanted to face them. Who you ask? The girls who were supposed to be my best friends, but really our friendship only ran through the gossip mill. We were teenagers who were rebellious and full of mischief. We fought constantly but then quickly made up. I don't blame them for everything that happened because I felt like the ringleader, the master of gossip and destruction. then enemy knew how to push my buttons in order to push theirs. I am so regretful for how I treated anyone back then, and I have never seen any of them to say that I was wrong. I don't know if I am relieved that I didn't go or not. How do I know that they would have been happy to see me? How do I know that they would have received what I said? All I know is that I feel really disappointed right now, and maybe that is how I am supposed to feel on a missed opportunity. An opportunity to make things right. An opportunity to say "Hey, see how the Lord has changed me! Can you believe it!" Only the Lord takes trash and makes something new with it. Who would have thought I could have ever been anything other than what I was! It is not that I have accomplished some great feat or invented something, or even the most successful. No, I am just the average home school mom, who still has dishes to wash and diapers to change; but I am different. I can feel regret about this forever, but instead I am going to choose that maybe the Lord shielded me on this one. I have prayed in the past for their forgiveness, maybe my time will come again.