Is the grass greener?

I know the cliche "the grass is greener on the other side", and I have personally lived this one out my whole life. I have always looked at what others have and wished either I had it, or maybe I would like to try what they are doing. Some may argue that I am only trying to figure out who I am, others may say I must have been so traumatized as a child I don't know my identity. I say that this is what the bible calls "jealousy and envy, and coveting". Aren't those things that the Lord looks at as sins?? Well, that may seem extreme to most, but to me I feel it deep in my soul when I look at what others have and feel discontentment. I start feeling sorry for myself for what I don't have, or who hurt my feelings as a child. Yes, there are things that did turn out the way I would have wanted them to growing up, but I know better than to want what someone else has.

Now as a homeschooling mother, it is so easy to get caught in the trap of thinking what I do is boring, hopeless, useless, tiring, mundane, blah blah, blah. I have thought it seems so glamorous to get up in the morning, have my morning coffee with other women where we can share what is on our minds. At lunch I can either share it with friends or run to the mall. I would be child-free, housework-free, the puppy-eating-everything free, and same old bologna-cheese sandwich free. I could hire a housekeeper. I could actually read the news paper and know what is going on in the world. I could do this if I really wanted to, but I know that my purpose at this point in my life is not those things...and I am thankful for that. My husband and I feel that we really are called to home school. This has been a scary faith walk, but there has been so much richness deep down. I feel like I know my children like the back of my hand, and when I feel like I don't; I have all day to figure it out. I don't have to worry about someone stealing my hugs and kisses 8 hours out of each day and I get what is left over. I get the privilege to see their faces light up when they discover something they didn't know. Proverbs says that we may have the plan, but the Lord is the one who guides our steps. I am so thankful for this, because the life I would have chosen for myself would have had long hours, and no family relationship.

Thank you Lord for not listening to me when I have wanted to bail out. Tomorrow may bring a horrendous day, but I know that at the end of it, I will think about the chubby hands that brought me weeds during playtime, and all the "I love yous I gave, and I will know that this is the grass I want and need to be on!