1 year ago today, I wrote my very first blog. I wrote 3 and then quit. Why? I don't really know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I sent out an email to everyone on my list that I now had a blog page, and no one seemed to respond, let alone notice that I had been missing in action...for a whole year! A friend of mine updates her blog regularly , and I watch for it like it is the soap opera digest. She is across the world and so it is a wonderful way for her to be connected with her friends and family, who are also her prayer warriors. I guess I thought somehow people would "watch" for me to blog, but nope...I don't even think that they knew that I had one. What's the point I said, I am just writing to myself. So here I am again...why I don't know...but one thing is for sure no one knows that I am here or probably doesn't even care, but I am going to do it anyway. Why? I don't really know other than we are too strapped for me to afford counseling, plus I am tired of hashing it all out. This is kind of free therapy for me, only I am stuck with my own ponderings. I don't really care becasue Mary pondered things in her heart and did not tell everything she knew, so I don't have to either. When no one is listening what will it really matter.
So where have I been for the last year? I have been trying to pull myself togehter, but I am realizing the more I try to more I fail. I have been wrestling with the Lord for close to 5 years now, but He has finally taken over. He hasn't won by a TKO (total knock-out), but rather by the white flag---full surrender. I have had a really hard time surrendering, realizing that he really does care, that he wants whats best for me, that he loves me. This has been a really, really long road of unbelief, faithlessness, and fear; but I finally feel like I am getting some relief .
el alivio (relief)
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