A gentle reminder

Yesterday I was able to spend the afternoon with a longtime friend by having a leisurely lunch where I didn't have to share my drink, with 4 little fingers picking off of my plate, all the while fishing for the crayons that were falling under the table into the abyss of restaurant under the table land...yuck! I never want to look at the floor that I am putting my clean hands into because I don't want to have to have my stomach totally turned. So I keep one eye closed and the other looking at the top of the table. It's totally denial I know, but I really like to eat out..so I keep up this game.

As we were eating and actually having adult conversation, I couldn't help to notice how she hasn't changed all that much since she had her baby. Her baby, (who was the cutest baby every in his little Santa hat!) is 6 weeks old. He is a good baby, and does nothing more that eat, sleep, poop, and smile. You could say he is a delightful baby of course. Before we left for the restaurant found myself envying what she had going for her. Everything in her home and car had it's place. Nothing was scattered around. Nothing seemed to be crazy and disorganized. Her home felt like a safe place. It is always very warm and inviting, and now with the baby just makes it seem even more home-y. She didn't look totally frazzled and stressed out. She took her time with what she was doing with him. She wasn't stressed about the holiday traffic or what she ordered to eat. She wasn't apologetic for wanting to eat something tasty, nor did she say "Oh, I really shouldn't have that piece of cake and decaf coffee...I need to loose some weight." No, she said, "man this nursing has left me famished, so I am going to eat up. Now mind you, my friend is not Miss Piggy, nor was she before or during her pregnancy. I think she has something that most women don't have: confidence in Christ. She doesn't apologize for caring more about just sitting in the floor with her new bundle and not running a load of clothes or thinking of all the ways to save the world. She knows the world is right there in her arms. She knows that keeping check on his next feeding is not a hassle, but a gift from the Lord. She has been blessed beyond measure to feed her son, so she is not worrying about what the world may be screaming at her about vitamins and who knows what else. She is not worried about missing out on the real world because she knows she has friends who are a cup of coffee and phone call away to help bring life to her when she runs out of steam.

In the presence of sitting with her I felt the meaning of motherhood. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-Control. I have unfortunately let the storms of life and the lies of the deceiver rob me of each part of the fruit of the spirit, but I am thankful that the Lord is faithful to grab hold of me while my sheep are still young. I worried more about having to appear that I was holding it together, or that my house was not going to look like anyone lived there but one person. Let me tell you something from the depths of my heart: I desired nothing more than to appear as though I had it all together and could do it all because I believed a lie that I was not OK. I thought by trying to control everything and make everything perfect I would be acceptable to other people because deep down I knew I was a wreck. God is sovereign in that he didn't let me have my way. He didn't let me have a new house that I could showcase. He didn't let me have a baby that only slept and ate. Because I was not surrendered to the Lord in different areas of my life, I was a very unhappy Mommy, and unhappy mommies make unhappy babies. My baby knew I was stressed. I would cry, so she would cry, then I would cry some more. By the time she was 2, she thought the way we were supposed to pray was face down in the closet and to be crying! Talk about some drama!!

God may have not given me what I thought was best for me, but of course he did way more than I could have ever imagined. He gave to me what I needed for each step. He has replaced the emptiness with his fruit.

He did allow me to give birth to a healthy baby girl that is on loan to me, and now a little boy. So as I watched my friend bask in the delight of her new son, I asked myself " am I going to let another day go by complaining and whining that my motherhood experience didn't go as I planned, or am I going to enjoy the little bear cubs that he has entrusted to me? I felt the Lord whisper to me "priorities sweetie...simplify the stuff you've got, so you can enjoy the gifts you have.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those who have young." Isaiah 40:11